Hello and welcome to another weekly edition of Deep Thought Thursdays! This week’s installment is brought to you by the emotion positivity! I have definitely felt an emotional shift occur during the past week, so I promise that this reflection will contain more “glass-is-half-full” overtones. :0) But before we get to the touchy-feely portion of this post, let me share some pregnancy updates. I had an OB appointment yesterday and found out that I’m measuring right on track at 31 cm, which corresponds nicely with being 31 weeks pregnant. Also, the baby’s heartbeat was a strong 150 beats per minute. Whew. I had a short list of questions to bring to my OB’s attention, one of them being, since I am now just 5 weeks out from the c-section, does she need to see me every week? Her response: Yes. I can’t believe that we are already at that point in the pregnancy. Time for weekly visits, bottle sterilization and preparing Clara for Newborn Invasion 2012.
At the end of last week’s post, I came to the realization that although I may not have total control over my body anymore, I do have control over my mind and my subsequent emotions. That said, on Monday, I will start taking the steroid, prednisone, which marks the final stage in the treatment protocol designed to protect my baby from the possibility of my body making antibodies against her platelets. From here on out, the combination of my twice a week IVIG infusions and a daily dosage of prednisone will hopefully prevent the baby from any internal bleeding and allow for a high (or at least acceptable) platelet count upon delivery. To tell you the truth, after hearing her first cries, I am more concerned with learning her platelet count (which will be taken soon after her birth), than seeing who she resembles more.
So after writing a lot of “woe-is-me” gibberish over the past couple of weeks, I’ve decided that it is now time for me to voice a more “pro-me” attitude. This change of perspective rides on the heels of two catalysts: 1). The meditation from my weekly yoga class (it was all about patience this week) and 2). A quote, to be shared at the end of the post, that a good friend posted on Facebook, courtesy of her wise mother. As I get closer and closer to the end of this two-year journey, I can’t help but feel all of the emotions that I’ve been burdening you, dear readers, with as of late. However, now is crunch time — time to focus on the more logical side of this situation by keeping my information and remaining questions organized, going to all of my doctor’s appointments armed with said information and questions, and making sure that I get the information from Doctor A forwarded to Doctor B because Doctor C needs the proper documentation come c-section day.
It’s a good thing that I’m not working right now because I have been spending a lot of time trying to figure out what’s left on my NAIT, not newborn, To Do list. My newborn to do list is very simple (sterilize bottles, wash clothes, install newborn car seat, etc.) compared to my NAIT checklist (give pint of whole blood in case my platelets are needed, get labs done day before surgery, complete Dr. Bussel’s study labs two more times, make sure that baby’s cord blood gets sent properly to NYC, ensure that all of Dr. Bussel’s recommended procedures are forwarded onto my MFM and OB, etc.). Over the next five weeks, I have anywhere from one to two doctor’s appointments per week, Level II ultrasounds every two weeks, two infusions of IVIG per week up until c-section day, my weekly yoga class, a c-section class, and a NICU consultation. Thankfully, I’ve also managed to schedule in some much-needed pampering time (haircut, mani/pedi — a must do for every mom-to-be!) and some quality time with Taylor, my BFF Missy and little Miss Clara. Whew! After spending the better part of the last two days realigning my schedule, sending emails and making phone calls, I have the utmost respect for those NAIT parents who have blazed these trails before me. And for those NAIT parents present and future, the aforementioned laundry list is just a small snapshot of the chaotic end to this whirlwind experience. Houston, we are in the home stretch!
So, where does this leave me now? Well, since managing this pregnancy feels like it has taken up more time and brain power than writing my Master’s Thesis, I am thrilled to see it come to its proper end. However, every once in a while, particularly at night, I try to steal a few moments to enjoy being pregnant. Clara, Taylor and I watch in awe as baby girl shows off her in-utero acrobatics routines. And on more than one occasion, Clara has been able to feel the baby’s kicks and punches. I’m not sure if she gets what’s going on quite yet, but these moments have become such precious memories. For those of you who’ve been pregnant before, it really is a very special time in a woman’s life. But, I feel that I was able to enjoy being pregnant with Clara much more than I have been able to this time around (for obvious reasons). I find myself focusing more on the negative aspects like heartburn, effects of the IVIG, and normal aches and pains than the positive ones, such as feeling the baby move. Over the last few weeks, I’ve tried to imagine what this baby will be like and how wonderful it will be to hold a newborn again. But those thoughts are quickly replaced by ones such as, “How will Clara adjust to the new baby? What can I do to keep Clara happy as I learn to divide my time between my two daughters?” I assume that every mother has these thoughts when another child is on the way. However, as the remaining weeks of this pregnancy fly by, I will try my best to focus on Rachel’s mother’s meditation, which I will present in a moment, instead of the not-so-positive thoughts that threaten to enter into my stream of consciousness. Perhaps in doing so, this shift in perspective will allow me to enjoy this pregnancy for what it truly is — a miracle in the making.
Mrs. Tisdale’s Meditation:
Your perspective on the world can change the world. If you see it as difficult, it will BE difficult. If you see it as an opportunity, it will BE an opportunity. If you see it as a joy, it will BE a joy, even when it’s difficult.
This week’s post is dedicated to all of those who have found themselves in situations that were not by choice, but were able to be conquered by change.